Personal Statement
At the beginning of high school, I started off as an average student; I didn’t know my future was in my hands; I thought everything would be given to me, simply I wasn’t a child anymore. Problems at my house inflicted a trauma, I couldn’t concentrate and at an early age I responded obnoxiously creating a setback on my learning. My mentality was set on a different perspective and I felt alone and as if no one was able to understand my situation. There were nights in which I slept for couple hours because of the arguments between my parents. I always tried to find a shortcut that would take me away from all my problems. My distraction was doing drugs; this made me believe I was being more independent, mature, and intelligent. My problems were growing. I would spend most of my time philosophizing and trying to figure out how, why, who and what brought me to this world, thinking to myself I’m mad because I would always come in terms with God. Later I would see this as a sign of God.
My future is reflected by my past and what I have set myself to accomplish. From my experiences through these past few years I have lost and gained my inspiration. Junior year was when I fell into the category of being “labeled” as a “pothead” because of my mistakes I was making by hanging out with the wrong crowd. This affected my school work, social life, and most importantly I lost connections with my family making me lose myself in a nightmare I was afraid to wake up from because of the fear of reality. I was on a verge of fighting for my life; my determination to stay alive was for only one reason only and that was to get my “high,” my self-esteem was low and I had no ambition. My motivation was at minimum, I would go to school but if I had the chance I would also violate the law and I was determined to do whatever was possible to get my “lift” even if it meant I had to do it at school. To decrease my chances of getting caught in school property, I started ditching causing my grades to go down. I was heading down to “rock bottom,” my family and my friends started noticing a change in me, and it wasn’t a good change.
At my surprise my mom started going to church, and she seemed so much happier and in peace. She had been wanting me to accompany her, at my disregard I agreed with her. The day she takes me I go high. I was nervous and scared of getting judged. Once I entered the room, I felt welcomed and the atmosphere was peaceful and joyful; I would have never imagined it could be so enjoyable. Everyone in the room was entertaining themselves; I was so overwhelmed and stuck because I had never felt this way before. When the preaching had started I felt as if to burst into tears and as if God was using the pastor as a tool to speak to me. “It is not a coincidence,” I will never forget those words, the words that got me thinking, and the words that got me to understand the work of God.
I was puzzled, and it occurred to me that I could possibly be smoking while walking with God. It wasn’t true. After, getting the message through I knew that it wasn’t the right thing to do; I knew God had spoken and I was disobeying Him. At school, and at church it was two different worlds, I was still being the same as always and eventually the attitude lead me to getting caught with paraphernalia in school campus. When this occurred simultaneously I was visioning myself being a better person, as if God had done this for me to do so. The realization that I had after going off track helped me identify myself. My mistakes have gotten me to where I am now, and I have learned from them to keep me focused and prepared to what has to come next, because no one is perfect and I will keep making mistakes but I know with God everything is impossible.
I turned to seek God because I knew I couldn’t do everything by myself. I saw how pleased my mom was once she took Jesus as her savior and even after dealing with the mindset of my dad she had hope and felt as good as always because she knew she had God. This encouraged me to turn to Him for peace and wisdom.
My life changed; it was completely turned around and I don’t regret everything that I did because of where it brought me. Every single day I stop and think of what I could have been if I didn’t make the effort to change; my world is based upon what I make it. I am grateful of the opportunity to start all over again, there is only one lifetime and in it you have to make it worthwhile. I started focusing in succeeding and trying to help not only myself but also my family and friends. Now I feel free to express myself with people and push myself to be who I know I can be. Writing poetry has been a great way for me to find and express myself. Composing my thoughts on paper has given me a chance to reflect and help me see the light when I’m down or start losing my enlightenment. With this I have gained back my inspiration, motivation, and perceived aspiration. I would love to help those around me that have been in my situation, and also give them a sense of positivity. Writing my thoughts down have helped me seek a dream of publishing an autobiographic relating to the world and the problems that we all go through; that there is so much to live for.
